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The truth about guys that complain about how tough dating is in X city.

After almost a year in Miami, I have started to reflect a bit on the dating culture in the city. On one hand, almost no other city in the US has such an abundance of beautiful women. On the other, the culture in general is very feisty, snotty, trashy, and vain. When I first arrived in Miami, I heard it all in a wingman group I joined in my time here as well as from local guys. Miami women are vain, flakey, sugar babies, stuck up, and a bunch of clout chasers.

One guy in particular really comes to my mind as he spent his time thrashing Miami nightlife like none other and quite frankly, I even agree with him because nightlife in Miami does suck. On top of this, he would talk about how you have to have a social circle or a friend with a boat in order to get laid in Miami. If you talked to him, you would have thought that you are better off in a small town in flyover country rather than in Miami. Needless to say, despite him cold approaching like crazy, he struggled in the city.

Not long after, this guy, let’s call him Ben, moves to NYC. At first, Ben is overly joyful of NYC and talking about how much better it is compared to Miami. I am with Ben here as NYC’s nightlife is far better than anything Miami could ever muster up. Ben approaches in NYC too and the first few months, I am thinking that Ben has finally found his new home and I am happy for him. NYC has long been considered the mecca of game so I even think that perhaps I join Ben one day.

Then, something happens……

I notice that Ben starts to complain a lot more now about the women of New York. The women of NYC are all social ladder climbers and all want certain kinds of men based on their background. NYC is no place for most men to have a great sex life. Ben does 20+ approaches sometimes and doesn’t get shit so he decides to invest his time into building a social circle since well, you need to have that in order to get attractive women. Months fly by and while Ben is having fun and some ups and downs, he is not exactly succeeding with attractive women in NYC either.

Notice a pattern here?

Wherever you go, there you are.

Look, I have been that guy. I long blamed Atlanta and the southern culture for my lack of success with women in my early twenties. In my college days, it was Greek Life stopping me from hooking up with attractive women. However, in all of that, I missed a very key detail. You see, there were guys who despite the “tough” environments I was in managed to make it work and have great dating lives. Even if they were not a part of a fraternity in college or a part of some social circle, they still made it work.

I admit that some cities are just tougher to meet women in than others. Some cities in the US and even the world have a very hostile climate and tough women that it is difficult to meet women. However, if you are in a city with over 250k people, you have no excuse. Sure, you might get two dates with beautiful women a month in San Francisco as opposed to ten in NYC but results are results.

In reality, I haven’t noticed that massive of a gap in a guy’s results when he changed cities. You see, the guys who truly succeed with game and women find a way to make it work and don’t let rejections or bad luck get them down. Most of all, these guys have the self-awareness to realize where they are messing up and quickly correct those mistakes. Just like winners in general, these guys find answers and not excuses.

Going back to Ben.

In doing some approaches with Ben, I noticed that there was quite a bit off about him. Ben would spam approach and then quickly bail on a set. Ben’s attitude was also very negative and toxic which made some guys not want to wing with him. To a degree, Ben even thought a bit too much in a black pilled way by putting too much focus on height, race, and genetic looks. While I don’t disagree that some guys have it easier than others, what’s the point in bitching and obsessing about it all day and night?

Even though Ben went from an objectively difficult city for meeting women to a significantly easier one, his character followed him. Despite being in a city with a better nightlife, better gender ratios, and a much better dating culture; he still struggled. I almost knew from hanging out with him and getting a sense of his vibe that NYC would not change his fortunes that much. I knew that as soon as he got to NYC, he would start with a whole new set of complaints.

Going back to the topic at hand.

Can a city change your dating life? While it can; it is kind of complicated.

You see, NYC didn’t necessarily change my dating life because there were more beautiful women and a better gender ratio. NYC changed my dating life because I was happier there, around more fun people, and living in a city that was true to my social values in terms of partying and drinking. As a result, I naturally felt happier and a great dating life came as a result of that.

My recommendation for all guys is that regardless of the gender ratios or dating culture, go to a city you actually like for something other than women and dating. Truth is, I came to Miami in spite of the dating culture here. I knew that I would hate the women in this city and its flashy clout chasing lifestyle. However, outside of dating, there was a ton for me to love about Miami.

A lot of my friends moved to Miami so there was the influence of that. I found Miami in my travels to be very international on a cultural level, even more so than NYC, and I loved that. I loved that out of all the major cities, Miami isn’t exactly a woke leftist hellhole (Miami Beach is a different story). I also found that Miami was one of the few cities in the US where you can be a bachelor after thirty and no one will really judge (unlike most major cities in the Bible Belt). I loved being near a body of water and a place with a ton of great fishing spots. Over the years, I gained a lot of love for Latin culture and Miami had that. I’ve always wanted to get into MMA and MMA in Miami is like Football in Texas.

So despite having a dating culture which for the most part is difficult and a nightlife that is amongst the worst of any major US city, I still enjoyed Miami and have had a lot of fun here. My dating life has also been mostly good in recent months after I made some adjustments. Instead of trying to find a city where it is easy to meet women, find one where you can be happy without a quality dating life. The truth is that in any major cities, there are more than enough opportunities for meeting women than one can imagine.

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