A common question I get from guys, a complaint really, is that their dates have been flaking on them and how to really make it stop. So I decided to dedicate this post to discuss why women might be flaking on you and how to make it stop. This is all my unique perspective so while you will find posts like this throughout the web, this is my take.
To date, I have had well over a hundred dates and while I have had a lot of dates that went poorly, I have rarely run into a situation where I showed up to a spot and the woman I was having a date with flaked. However, after knowing a few wings, there are things I have noticed that make me realize that men might actually be making some key mistakes. Now as for how I did this, you will find out as you read, especially towards the end. It’s actually quite simple. Before we get there, let’s get to the root of it from the start.
Why your dates might be flaking.
How did you actually get the date?
This is important because it varies based on how you got the date. Dates from dating apps from my experience are a lot less likely to flake than dates from daygame. As for nightgame dates, well I have personally not even bothered with them for the most part outside of a few rare circumstances. In dating apps, attraction is assumed so unless you screw it up, she won’t flake. In daygame, flake rates are likely going to be higher because daygame is unusual. You have to evaluate how you got the date.
Daygame also means that you heightened her mood which meant she liked you in that moment. However, afterwards you had boring robotic texts which to her means that it was all an act. This is why flakes are so high with women you meet in nightlife, you are trying to go from loud music intense chemistry to boring texts to a meetup. You have to make sure that the interaction you have with her after you get the number carries that same momentum (hint: do not give up on the teasing, funny GIFs, and fun factor).
One way is to ensure that you are keeping some sort of baseline in your interaction. You do not want to go from fun charismatic guy at the approach to robotic texter after you get the number or DM. You keep up the same energy and vibe or improve on it.
The interaction after the number close or on the app.
Did you two actually talk about something during the text or just schedule the date right away? Were there conversations that you could connect with her on? This all matters because if all you did was ask for the number and talk about meeting up for a date, she is likely going to flake. You have to have some conversations that she finds appealing over text and even over a potential video call if she is open to it.
In my opinion, you are going to spend money on the date anyways. Why not make sure that the connection is worth chasing? Talk to her over the phone, on a video call, or at least have somewhat of a fun exchange over text. Tease her and leave some mystery about you.
I strongly urge men doing daygame to have at least a few minutes of decent conversation before they ask for the number because you have to leave your mark. For dating apps, I would tell men to ask for the IG or number ASAP before they get lost in the sea of other men on the app and then have the convo there. You have to get some sort of a dialogue going where she is actually engaged instead of asking for a date right away.
You probably acted too clingy.
If there is one trait I notice in men, especially those that get into PUA, is that they act way too clingy. Are you overtexting? Are you freaking out if she is not replying? Are you giving 3 texts for every 1 text she gives you? Women sniff this stuff out and if they pick up on you acting clingy, it is over before it even started. I have noticed this behavior in the pickup group I am a part of where I will tell a guy I am busy and he will still push me to try and come out. This is very low value behavior, lose it fast or deal with flakes left and right.
If she is not replying, don’t reply yourself. Wait a day if you have to.
You didn’t sell the date or meetup well enough.
You didn’t sell the spot well enough. You didn’t sell the reason to meet up well enough. You gave her your entire life story to where she had no reason to actually meet with you and ask for more. In her mind, she didn’t think that she was going to get anything out of the date and so she decided to ghost you. If you cannot answer what was so special about her joining you for that specific date, you deserved to be flaked on. Ideally, you want to propose spots to her she hasn’t been before herself.
You didn’t lead well.
You didn’t specify when and where she was going to meet you or say it with conviction. Your language included a lot of “maybes” and indicated that you were winging it. As a result, she got it in her head that you were going to fuck around too much or didn’t know what you were doing. Have a spot in mind, sell it well, and lead her to it with some conviction in your tone. No more “maybes” or uncertainty in your tone from now on. Give her the specifics about the spot and what people love so much about it as well as what she might love a lot about it.
You never confirmed.
About a day before or even a few hours before you head out, you confirm with her that you are good to go. You should even tease her about it as you confirm. I usually text the day before and if I do not get a response, I usually acknowledge to her that it is not happening. Assume that a non-response means that it is not happening if she has not texted you back after confirmation. Last thing you want to do is get there and realize she is not coming. I have had dates that told me they could no longer do that day and then we rescheduled to where they did show up.
You chase after flakey girls.
Some women are flakey, they do not have their shit figured out. I have run into my fair share who agreed to a date days out and then ghosted me. When they did respond to my text, I agreed to reschedule. You should only allow one reschedule before you finally cut the cord and say that it is not a good fit and that your time is valuable. Avoid flaking by not chasing after flakey girls. Usually, girls that don’t have their shit together fail to value their time which leads to them being flakers.
You are too scared to lose.
You play afraid. You are too scared to confirm the date with her and want to assume that she will show up. You are too scared to hear a no. You act too agreeable with her. She senses that you are being clingy in your behavior. You value her time too much while she is still figuring out if you are worth it. You are way too scared to lose and act in ways that make you come off as needy and clingy. The flake could have easily been prevented if you just did something as simple as confirm the date a day in advance.
A few weeks ago, I had a Russian girl I hit it off well with. We were to meet for coffee but then the day before, she starts interrogating with the same questions and asking if she can believe me. I outright said to her that it seems like there has been a change of mind, wished her the best, and moved on to other women. Be ready to lose.