As usual, I have been quiet as usual. I haven’t opened up much about my personal life and probably won’t in the near future as I am trying to remain anonymous for now. However, I have come to a realization after a very stressful week around helping people and dealing with loved ones who are in a tough spot. It’s one of the toughest things in life we can deal with and the reason I am writing about it is because it pours over on to all aspects of your life, especially game.
In some instances, our loved ones and people needing helping need all the help they can get.
Unfortunate circumstances strike, tough times hit, and sometimes it is not the person’s fault at all. Someone could be the most productive worker but they get laid off because of market conditions, not really their fault. Someone could be living a very healthy life and doing all of the right things but they still end up in a physically compromised state, they did all the right things so no fault of theirs! In these circumstances, we should be there for such people who have fallen on such tough times. However, my post is not talking about these people.
Other people, bring the misfortune to themselves due to their own habits.
Sometimes, people bring unfortunate circumstances to themselves because of what they do not just once but many times. We all think of the woman who seems to almost always end up dating assholes. Some people end up in bad health because they live unhealthy and sedentary lifestyles. Some people always end up in drama because they are toxic, love to gossip, and love to start things with others. Some people are always unemployed and cannot hold down a job for over a year because they are unreliable employees.
The unfortunate part is that some of these people exist in our lives whether as coworkers, friends, or family. We worry about them, a lot. We wish all goes well for them and that they finally come to their sense. We hope that these people we are close to don’t harm themselves to the point that we are deeply saddened.
I very recently had the chance to spend time with someone very close to me. Now this guy didn’t exactly have the toughest upbringing compared to me or most other people I know. However, as much as I like him, he has very unhealthy habits. This guy is clinically obese, plays videogames, and eats a lot of junk food. As someone who deeply cares for him, I told him about how he can clean up his diet by doing something as simple as not getting sugar-loaded drinks from a Starbucks.
For a while, I was deeply concerned for this person. The lifestyle they live is very unhealthy and their life consists of work, videogames, and eating junk food. Even when they got into lifting, they did it so wrong that they ended up with some major injuries that they need therapy for. Now this very close friend of mines is also very combative and argues, often throwing a tantrum, when you try to get them to improve their lives. I worried for them and their unhealthy and impulsive lifestyle.
Have you ever had that?
Have you ever cared for someone who was self-destructive so much that it kept you up at night?
Have you ever had it to where even you couldn’t eat or sleep in peace because you were worried about what harm this person would do to themselves?
Well, that is what I went through for a while which is why I didn’t write much. I was worried for this person, a lot. I was deeply concerned that one day I might get a call that they are having serious health issues because of their unhealthy lifestyle. I was worried that one day, this person might be impulsively angry towards the wrong person and end up on the wrong side of that situation. I was concerned, worried, and it stopped me from truly enjoying my life.
At one point, I could not even fathom how someone who had all lined up for them growing up could have such awful habits. The kid had an easy upbringing, no major obstacles in life, and still ended up a clinically obese glutton with a short temper. How? When so many others who have gone through serious shit still don’t abuse their bodies like this kid does?
Then finally, it hit me.
It was obvious and I didn’t want to accept it but eventually, I had to. There is nothing you can do after a point.
I had a rough upbringing and even after all that, managed to take care of my health. I had every reason to be an impulsive hot-head, lose my cool with people, and be some glutton that feasted on videogames but I didn’t. I had it way rougher than this close friend of mines and yet, he ended up being the self-destructive person. However, why was I losing sleep and worrying to where I couldn’t enjoy life because someone who not only had self-destructive habits, but refused to change despite all the pleading I did?
Yes, I deeply care for this person and want them to live a long, prosperous and successful life. I want this person to live well and be happy. However, I realized that after a point, it is their life.
After a point, there is nothing you can do other than just giving up on them. After a point, you can say that you tried to reason with them all you could but they didn’t listen. You realize that no matter what you do for some people, they are naturally self-destructive and you are just wasting your time trying to help them. You realize that no matter how much work you do or sacrifices you make, they will resort to their natural self-destructive tactics.
If someone who had a largely easy life growing up is going to abuse their bodies and have temper tantrums, then they are too emotionally weak to take on life. If someone cannot be bothered to prioritize their own well-being when they have the choice and ability to, why should others do it for them? Why should we try to help and worry so much for people that refuse to help themselves?
It is all you can do after a point, just give up and happily live your life.
In no other space is this more true than the world of dating advice and helping men get better with women.
In the coming days, I will write more about the world of men’s self-help and helping men who suck with women. Sure, some men can certainly be helped and just need some direction. However, large swaths of men who get into game, red pill, and trying to pick up women are just hopelessly broken men. A lot of these men have toxic traits that no bootcamp, pickup seminar, online post, or coaching session can actually fix.
A lot of men who suck with women don’t just have unattractive habits but an unattractive character that has been formed over a period of years. Majority of these men are clingy, have no idea on how to give value to the lives of others, parasites that leech off of others without giving anything in return, emotionally weak, and always negative/whiney to where they ruin the vibe in whatever room they walk into. You soon start to realize that women are a lot smarter than us men give them credit for and that there is a reason these men struggle.
Yet, some programs actually try to help this otherwise toxic men through a bootcamp or a seminar. What you get long-term is a horde of frustrated men who call coaches and programs scammers because a few bootcamps and seminars did not fix toxic behavior that had been formed over a period of years. Why should women risk a fun experience with quality men over some of these losers who quite frankly, are beyond help?
All along, we were too afraid to accept that very truth, that we really can’t help these people. All we can do is throw our hands up, say that these are men beyond help, and just live our lives and focus on those who can be helped.
8 thoughts on “The hardest truth I’ve had to accept about helping loved ones.”
You gave me a lot to think about, to be honest. I don’t know where to start and how about the things I’ve felt while reading this.
It’s not all good, and not all bad. It’s a mix of emotions that, at some instant, made me upset.
The thing that I want to highlight in all of the roller-coasters I’ve felt during the five minutes of reading this post is:
Sometimes, what we consider self-destructive is a haven of some sort for other people.
Thinking that a person is being self-destructive because they like video games and eating junk food kinda… Made me halt for a bit.
It is definitely unhealthy to keep eating junk food, don’t misunderstand. But strongly advising someone to ‘change’ will simply have a counter effect.
I also had a similar experience with someone I love and care about. In the end, I tried to understand why they were doing it so I can fix it from the roots.
And like you said, if they don’t want to leave that puddle, all I have to do is be there when I’m needed. That was my personal conclusion.
Thanks for your post.
Yeah this was a post that I had to do after I mustered up the emotions for it. I know you say haven of sorts but if it is at the cost of risking their own lives, I worry. I mean especially when this person is close to me and I care for their well-being.
Glad you got a chance to read through my post.
I liked it and I liked experiencing another view of what to do when your loved ones aren’t okay
I don’t normally post as much on this topic but I had a lot going on around it to where I had to.
It’s good to let it out from time to time, so good you did this
Thank you, I am actually working on another post now but it is not as related to personal life matters or emotional matters as this was haha.
I’ll make sure to check it out when it is posted 🙂
Going up pretty soon 😉