I have kept a lot of my personal life out of my posts unless I have been posting field reports but it’s about time I shared with my readers what has been going on with me. For a while, I have been wanting to do this but just sort of put it off. November was the month I was going to share what has been going on and how things are going to change for me moving forward. For all the readers who have stuck with me, I appreciate the kind wishes.
From 2021 onwards and even for a lot of 2022, my posts have been somewhat bitter, negative, and angrier than usual. While 2022 has produced a few great moments for me in life and I got to do great things such as meet Pablo and get results from daygame, it has largely been a year from hell for me. Even 2021 was not that great of a year for me but I don’t want to bore you with the whole life story, that comes later.
2022 put me through so much that some Saturdays and Sundays, I would lay in bed until 3 PM in the afternoon despite getting perfectly good sleep the night before. I feel like in some ways, even though I was still having success, I was just waiting for things to just end for me. Yeah, I just went down a dark road there but it was just so much to take in with all I went through. The list of issues piled up and I am glad to still land on my own two feet.
The biggest thing that kept me awake was the loss of my father. I have not shared this with many of you but not that long ago, my father passed away. While we were not always on good terms with each other, our bond grew stronger and stronger as I went through my twenties and we were the closest as ever. Then, one day, I get the news that he has passed and it was like my heart sunk, and I curled up crying like a baby.
I am sure some of you who have lost someone close to you can relate but it bites at you in different ways. Now, I became paranoid and overly worried about everyone close to me in life. I cannot describe the number of days I woke up worried and paranoid hoping that at least everyone else is okay but knowing that I didn’t have full control of that. The feeling ate away at me and some weekends I would just curl up and cry over it.
On top of personal losses, I also came down with a health issue I do not want to get too much into the details with right now. Thankfully, after seeing my doctor, I am going to be okay long-term but some lifestyle changes need to be made. The years of binge drinking, eating unhealthy, and stress finally caught with me which led to an event that landed me in ER. I can say that I am happy to be alive and healthy after that event earlier in the year.
As you all may know with the economy, things aren’t going the best right now. In recent months, I ran into a lot of financial hardship due to the economy and I will leave it at that. Things are looking better but I have to be cautiously optimistic here.
The struggles I went through also showed me that I didn’t really have a lot of “friends” like I think I did. I had a falling out with a number of friends, one which almost came down to physical violence on their end because that friend of mine was a hothead. In 2022, I lost a lot of friends and moved on from them. I am however, happy to have the friends I have kept and my bond with them is even stronger.
In terms of game, I had a good deal of success in 2022, especially with daygame. I not only slept with women from it, I even met a woman I would see repeatedly and formed a relationship with her. I never talked about it on this blog because I like to keep it personal but I never had such strong feelings for any other woman I have ever slept with. Then what started as paradise slowly turned into hell as she found out about her not being the only woman in my life. Not only did she throw a nasty temper tantrum, she also hit me a few times before leaving and making a scene in front of my neighbors.
2022 broke me in many ways I had to force myself back up. I had days where I would fall out of my bed and just lay on the floor, not even having the motivation to get up. I wouldn’t be lying if I said that I had days when I just wanted something to happen to me so it can all just sort of end. However, here I am and as someone who has been thinking about sharing this for a while, this is now a rebirth of the new Millennial Bachelor. Here are a few things that are going to change.
Done actively trying to help change the pickup/game/red pill community.
When this site was first started, I saw that the Pickup and Game community was broken and wanted to fix it. I wanted to try and fix the Incel problem and help guys see a better way that didn’t involve negativity, bitterness, and hatred. What I found is that the more I tried, the more bitter and negative I became myself. I genuinely wanted to help a lot of these guys see a more optimistic and promising way to get over past hurdles in life and limiting beliefs but now I give up. For me to even take part in doing something like this would involve countless battles and arguments I am not ready to go through. Controversy and conflict have followed a lot of men who tried to do things like take on radical feminism or the culture wars and in the end, lost so much, and I do not want to be stuck in that.
The guys who end up spending a lot of time online ranting due to struggles with dating have a lot going on that I am unfit to help with. I have read some posts from such communities due to the number of times my site gets linked and I have to say, sometimes it is some dark stuff. You can often see the worst of humanity in internet communities as people try to sabotage, drag down, and ruin each other. People who do that have a lot going on and it is stuff I do not have the qualifications to help with. Right now, I do not have the energy to go against any of that sort of negativity or get tangled up in anything.
What I have learned is that there are guys who will find every reason to continue on with the life of ranting about women and the dating landscape on the internet. In a way, it is comfortable and I have been that guy before, was at certain points when I hit the lows I did in 2022. Then, there are guys who will find just bulldoze themselves to success in whichever (legal) way possible, they don’t find excuses, they find answers. The former is more common and I don’t blame them, being the latter is a pain in the ass. For now, any topics around the pickup, Black Pill, and Red Pill community are cancelled.
Slowly backing away from taboo topics and being less bitter myself.
In some ways, this is going to be a tough change for me. I honestly loved ranting every now and then about my experiences with the social climate in certain cities and just letting off rants. Letting it out kind of feels good and can be one of the best feelings in the world. Say you have a bad experience with Karens, doing a long post ranting about why they are so fucked up can feel like a weight lifted off of your shoulder. I felt like that when I wrote the long post I did about certain aspects of NYC’s social climate.
However, looking back at it, my posts were very negative and bitter in their tone. As a result, what happened was that a large amount of traffic to them came from communities that were toxic. Now that was a wake-up call for me because I realized that I was being a bitter and toxic guy myself, which is why I got the traffic I did. Certain taboo topics like race and advice around it are gone for good from this site and with things being how they are, I don’t look to mention them unless there is an urgent need.
I am looking to avoid taboo topics unless I have been directly impacted by them like I was by the pandemic, they are not going away but it is safe to say that you might one of these a month if anything. The way I see it, I don’t have much youth left. One day, the time will come for me to finally speak in-depth on taboo topics but that day is not today. As of right now, there is a lot of work that needs to be done until that day comes.
More action-oriented posts.
Even this year, I backed away from sharing lay reports because I did want to keep a lot of my personal life to myself. I did not share with my readers the intimacy I had with the one woman I mentioned earlier. The reason is that I was a bit afraid of her finding this site since she posted frequently on Reddit herself, granted it was unrelated to anything game and dating. I had been afraid to share too much because I did want this site to remain my private anonymous journal.
After giving it a lot of thought, I realize that this is a journey I want all of my readers to take with me. I want you to go through the lowest of the lows and the highest of the highs with me. I want you to read about the 8 or so rejections I get out of every 10 approaches I do. I want you to read about the girl that tells me to fuck off. Finally, I want you to read about my successes as they happen. I know I will have to share more than I’d like but sometimes, I feel like would be happier sharing what I have done that spilling out the negative thoughts that come to my head sometimes.
What this also means is if I find something that works, I am going to share it with all of my readers. I have done this in terms of openers I have used but I will do it for other things as well. I am going to call this active and real-time advice meaning if I say something, I used it that week and it worked. Rather than my advice being absolute, it will evolve and build on itself as I continue down this journey. I might also share more stories from my past successes and failures as well.
I know that compared to controversial and taboo topics, these posts will bring little traffic to this site. However, I am ready to live with that.
More updates on where I am in game and where I want to be.
Even though I have had my fair share of success, I think it is time I started to be vulnerable. I have things I need to work on with game and just my overall value. When posting about trying to change a given community or a taboo topic, I am taking less ownership of what I need to be doing better. I have a few sticking points I am working on and in the new posts moving forward to going to focus on those instead of my criticisms towards others.
The site will also track where I am right now in my journey with pickup and where I ultimately want to be. I feel like if I write more about this, I can look back to see how far I have come or even regressed. The reality is that I don’t want to be doing this forever or even for that much longer. Eventually, I do want to move on which I will speak about later on in this post and in future posts.
What this will also involve is some daily journaling and actions I am taking to get to the point I need to be.
More gratitude and positivity.
The tone on this site for 2022 has been bitter but I am going to try and add more positive content every week. If you have the ability to log on to high-speed internet and rant on the internet, you have a few things to be grateful for. As rough as 2022 may have been for me as a year, I still have a lot to appreciate. The love that some of my readers have sent my way has made me want to continue writing while at some points, I was thinking of quitting this blog and site altogether. The site will continue to take a more positive direction although some tough truths will have to be acknowledged, as well as what you can do about them.
A weekly Q&A.
I have received so many emails from you guys that I am still catching up on that I will start to do a weekly Q&A and designate posts dedicated to the questions you have asked. Taboo topics (race and politics) will be off-limits and I might reply to that one-on-one via email but anything else will be welcomed and answered. I want this to start to feel like not just my own growth journey but also a community with others going through the same things that I am. We could dedicate a day a week to this Q&A.
Keeping the big picture in mind for where all of this fits into my life.
As I will post more on, I don’t want to keep doing this forever. If I had it my way, I would have stopped at the age of 30. However, a few things in my development journey have been left on the table and need to be fixed before I can move on. I underperformed with women in a big way in my twenties and did not even come close to reaching my potential. Most of the time, I shot myself in the foot and was my own worst enemy, a lot of it due to me not getting out of my own head.
When I was getting closer to 30, I realized how I need to get this thing under control before age catches up to me. While a guy could do this all the way to his 50s, I want to be done with it a lot sooner than that. I have seen guys who put the work in for a few years, dedicated themselves to the craft, got great results, and eventually moved on. I have made strides from when I started more than a decade ago but have lacked focus and been too distracted to reach my true potential.
Once I have reached what I consider to be my true potential and had some fun with it, I am putting this all behind me and moving on to other things in life. Now if you are a reader starting to worry, you still have me for a few more years. However, I have always been a long-term thinker and this is not something I want to keep doing for much longer than a few years. I have no aspirations of being a dating coach or anything, this is just a part of a journey in life I am sharing with those of you kind enough to read and support me.
The thing is that life is full of uncertainties and if the last couple of years have taught me anything, it is just how inevitable death is and comes for us all. Until that day comes for me, hopefully, later rather than sooner, I want to make sure I had an amazing journey to share with all of you and did some great things. Maybe I still continue to change the way some of you see dating, women, and life in general. I am going to enjoy the time I have on this earth as much as I can and hopefully play a role in you doing so too.