I have been ambiguous about my age on this site and in my posts, but today I wanted to address it. Not that long ago, I turned 30. Yes, 2022 was the year I officially left my 20s and turned 30. However, other than starting a new decade, it did not feel as different as others might claim. Maybe I get more into my thirties and change my tone but as I was progressing from my late-twenties to my thirties, I found a bit of a change in the way I saw the world and went through life. Here are some of the changes I have noticed as I have left my twenties and started a new decade in life.
Physically yes, recovery is somewhat more different now.
As someone who is no stranger to drinking, I found it tough to have those same nights where I go out, have a few drinks, and wake up early enough the next morning. Anywhere past five drinks, I feel like my body is going to punish me the next day. However, I have not noticed that big of a difference. My worst hangover happened when I was 25 and that resulted in me vomiting like a madman the next day. I do my part to stay hydrated so that could have something to do with it.
Now as for workouts, I have noticed somewhat of a difference. I run a lot and on some days, I have felt my knees getting slightly weaker or having that sprain to them. I need to take recovery a lot more seriously now compared to my early twenties when I did not have to worry as much. Before I get too old for it, I really want to try some intense exercises and hobbies for the very last time. I expect things to get worse as I get into my twenties which is why I am working on finding a quality doctor to work with. Unfortunately, Miami has the worst medical system of any major US city with most doctors not even getting an MD from the US.
A genuine fear of time running out and feeling of playing catch-up with game, hookups, and dating.
Early-twenties me could waste time browsing and even posting on incel and pickup forums. I could waste time seeking sympathy for my life problems and hoping others would feel sorry for me. As I got more and more into my twenties, that changed in a heartbeat. I looked back to see how I let valuable years pass and refused to work on myself as I should have. When you get to the later part of your twenties, that really hits you hard.
An example I talk about time and time again is what I witnessed on the Good Looking Loser forum. So many guys in their teens and early twenties came in lost and struggling with women but they put in the work. After putting in the work, these guys finally saw results with women and racked up their lay count. By their mid to early twenties, almost all of these guys were done with the game and had moved on to other pursuits. A good example of this are guys like Bad Idea Bear and also BoyToyStory.
Compared to those guys, I feel like I am playing catch-up as someone who started to take self-improvement around game quite seriously in his later twenties. Sure, I got laid and met women through dating apps in my mid-twenties but I underachieved big time. If I had taken the gym seriously and learned how to properly cold approach and close, I would have been at a triple-digit lay count and put myself in a position to move on from the game for good. Now, I am playing catch up on something I should have handled almost a decade ago.
Adherence to a strict timeline.
As you get older, you realize the value of time. Despite all the BS the Red Pill says about men peaking at a later age, you realize that you need to get shit done. You realize that you don’t have forever and before you know it, you will be an old man. When that fear of time running out hits you and you want to get shit done, you start to adhere to a strict timeline. The whole thing becomes a strict process and you realize what is important and what matters little.
Once you adhere to that timeline and start thinking about the long-term plans of your life, you wake up. You realize just how little time we really have in this world to get shit done before our number is called. I always heard from a wise man that your youth is there so you can have all the wild experiences you want in life and then after that, you just spend the rest of your life reflecting on that youth and telling stories. Once you realize how time is finite, you get off your ass and stop fooling around.
No time for BS, pessimism, negativity, and whining.
The younger me had the time to engage in online debates about politics, the red pill, what women care about, how race/ethnicity does not really matter that much in dating, and whatever. Whenever a whining negative guy tried to tell his sob story, I tried to reason with him by using facts and even debate him. At times, I’d read negative shit online and it would ruin my day, making me wander off into negative thoughts. Is it impossible to make friends after college? Is it impossible to hook up with women once you are older? Were college years the best years of life?
However, as I grew older, I had less time for that. I had things that I needed to get done and places I needed to be. My friend circle was cut down by a lot. I had no time for pointless small talk or worthless debates, online or offline. If someone showed a lot of negativity, whined too much, or didn’t show signs of helping me improve my life; I cut them off without a second though. I stopped caring about the number of “friends” I had if they stood in the way of my life goals.
To some, it came off as me being cold. I admit, I did become cold and stopped having pity for people. If someone fell on genuinely tough times like a health issue or losing a loved one, I had all the sympathy in the world for them. However, if someone was crying like a baby because they couldn’t get laid, I had no empathy or love for them. I had seen enough people go through legitimate shit to the point that the first world problems I read about online got no sympathy from me.
Became better at sniffing out low-quality people and cutting the cord fast.
In my early and mid-twenties, I wasted a lot of time in toxic work situations and around toxic people. I wanted friends and I wanted company so I spent time around people who were not good for me or really even this world. After having gone through enough toxic friendships, partnerships, and acquaintances; I have become a lot better at sniffing such people out. I can now tell after the first meeting if someone is going to help me in my life journey or hurt me.
One place where this has shown up is when I have winged with guys I have met on Pickup communities. I can tell on the first meeting and go whether a wing will even be worth the time. Old me would have been desperate for any company, new me is trying to clear through the shit. I find more reasons to not hang out with a certain person unless they show me that we can both help each other get better. What this has resulted in is me having a few solid and close friends rather than a lot of fake ones. I see through people’s shit a lot faster and have no tolerance for it.
Less wanting to fit in, preferring not to.
Old me would have loved to play golf with the boss. The new me hates the idea of playing golf to fit in, period. The old me would have loved to sit down with friends for a football game at a bar. The new me looks down on people that drown themselves in alcohol to see men with helmets and shoulder pads play, 90% of which is just commercial breaks. In no other place has this become more prominent than in game.
The old me would have been delighted to chat with guys at a bar about picking up girls and maybe even using them as wings. Old me would have loved to fit in with a large social group at a bar and be a part of their crew because I was lonely. The new me sees no value in any of that, especially since I have experienced what social circle outings are really like at bars. No, the new me is all about going out to meet hot girls and having the balls to talk to them, even if I am by myself. One way this has paid off is that I am not shy or scared of doing day game, the old me would have been terrified of that idea.
Thinking more about settling down and eventually taking it slow.
I may have hinted at this in past posts and it may have less to do with my age and more to do with how the world reacted to the pandemic. I saw NYC turn into a crazy place with how it handled the pandemic and it opened my eyes to what is really important. Is the good nightlife and access to a lot of beautiful women really important if your freedom and safety are in jeopardy? Now that was around the time I started to think that maybe a peaceful life out in a small town with a nice farm wouldn’t be the worst thing at some point.
Even now as I spend my weekends going out to game, I occasionally feel that fatigue. The rejections add up and so does everything else that comes with cold approach. I still have personal goals I need to hit when it comes to game, lay count, and dating and I do have a long way to go. Despite the struggles, the process has been enjoyable and one of the most fulfilling ones I have gone through in my life. However, I know that at some point, a man needs to back out of this life before it consumes him.
I do occasionally daydream and think about life after I have done what I needed to do in regards to game. What I see in my dreams is a massive yard, a nice house in a smaller town, beautiful nature, a dog, a loving wife or girlfriend, and time for my non-game-related hobbies. I see myself fishing and then cooking what I caught. I dream of that life with a beautiful outdoors view and something less hectic.
You ever watch those movies that take place in cold weather and the characters are all inside of a bar? The bar is not loaded with beautiful women, in fact, it is barely loaded. However, there is the cold weather outside, some warm food inside, and some beer. Maybe you sit down and watch a football game and just talk about shit. I sometimes daydream of wanting that at some point in life over going to a bar to run game, but I know that needs to wait because of….
The urgency in fixing some things before I can finally move on to that life I daydream about.
Deep down inside, I know that the slower life I daydream of won’t be as enjoyable to me until I have done what I needed to do around game. If I go for it too soon, I will feel that regret of having left something on the table, the very same regret I felt about my time in NYC which is why I eventually want to go back there too. Right now, I feel a lot of regret around how I have approached game despite the success I have had.
I have not been able to pull the really hot girls and I blame that on myself more than anything. I haven’t cracked triple digits yet and I still had way too many nights in NYC where I barely approached and went home empty-handed. 2022 was the year when my approach anxiety for the most part died and I could stay in sets for a long time. Now all of this was in a much tougher city like Miami so I only dream of what this new me could have done in NYC, something I am finding out about on this trip back I post this.
There are so many things around game that I need to fix and past demons that need to be resolved. In the coming days, I am going to share some embarrassing stories I had on my nights out so I can humanize myself for you all a bit. To this day, my underperformance with game in NYC still bites at me. I let the social factors, work, and other things in the city devalue my own self-worth and didn’t put my best self out there; this is why I am mad and I going to right this wrong before I move on.
In some ways, I feel like a ghost. I feel like I died but didn’t move on to the afterlife so I haunt this hedonistic thing they call the “hookup culture”. I feel like I should have moved on to the afterlife in the form of settling down into family life but I still remain. However, unlike a ghost, I am not helpless and know that I have a lot of say in the outcomes. I guess a better way to put it is like Thanos on his mission in Endgame. Just do what needs to be done and then retire to a small farm somewhere out in the galaxy. Don’t worry, I don’t want to snap half of anything out of existence.
Happier and a lot less bitter.
In my early and mid-twenties, I was angry. I was bitter, hateful, and not very trusting of people. I was full of rage, anger, and hatred. I felt wronged by society and felt that I got the short end of the stick by having overbearing parents and a repressed upbringing. I saw how little fucks society gave about me and never bothered to hear my side of the story. I saw how society always labeled me as having the “Victim Mentality” if I complained about not being given a fair chance in life. The whole thing drove me to a lot of negativity and anger towards society.
However, at some point, it all sort of went away. At some point during the lockdowns caused by the pandemic, I grew up. I started to feel less hateful and took more accountability. I started to ask what I could have done better and looking back at it, there was a lot I could have done better. Moving forward, I became way more action-oriented and kept asking what I can do better.
Now, I am much happier. I have been hit with a rough year but I am happier in life now. When setbacks happen, I take them in strides and keep on moving. I get the feeling that when my thirty-five-year-old self writes to the world, on this site or another, it will have a lot of wins, successes, and highlights to share.
