Why Pickup/Dating Advice doesn’t work for a lot of men.

I have long talked about why pickup and dating advice has its downfalls, however, I want to go more into detail on exactly why it doesn’t work for most guys out there. In order for me to truly drive my point home, I wanted to use a poorly built diagram that I put together that some of you can hopefully follow along with. The diagram is made to be simple and easy to read, in fact way too simple to be anything sophisticated.

So what point am I trying to make?

The point I am trying to make is that Pickup and Dating advice is coming in so late in the entire development of a guy who has clearly been through a lot of shit in life. Now it is no mystery as to why so many men feel like they got scammed from a dating bootcamp or a seminar. The reality is more in the middle where no malicious intent was really meant by the coach or the program but even they themselves were unaware of the students they were getting. A lot of these guys who are desperate enough to fork over thousands, tens of thousands, and at times even six figures to work with a dating coach in hopes bettering their results are often desperate.

However, we never ask what happened for a guy to get to that point. What would a guy have gone through in life to get him to the point where he is willing to spend so much money in the hopes of getting better with women? We never ask that when we should prioritize that question over others. If we cannot dig into the why, then we have the issue we have where guys feel like they get scammed.

I have been around a lot of these guys so I kind of know their common story.

Most of them grew up in either a single parent household lacking a strong father figure or they had overbearing parents that raised them to always be fearful of things. The vast majority did not play sports growing up and were not the kids who developed into confident and social teenagers. Most of them had a troublesome adolescence which they compensated for by playing videogames, engaging in nerdy hobbies, and not socializing all that much.

For a lot of them, it is not even until their college days that they realize just how far behind they are with socializing, often playing catch up as a result. Meanwhile, their counterparts who learned social skills earlier are leaps and bounds ahead of them in a closed environment such as a college campus. In college is when it hits them as these guys try to catch up and learn all the dating advice they can. However, most of them end up having an unfulfilling college experience that they try to compensate for after graduation.

But dating advice, cold approaching, and pickup bootcamps are useless here.

Dating advice and pickup bootcamps work for guys who already have a strong foundation but are just not sharp with women. Most of these guys are confident enough, aren’t socially awkward, and can socialize like normal people can. You can introduce these guys to your friends and they will be that normal guy who can chat with most people. The only thing these guys are lacking is guidance on how to meet more women or how to build a good dating life. For these men, pickup bootcamps may as well be worth the thousands they charge.

Trying to throw dating advice at men with a weak foundation is like playing Janga with someone’s life. What is going to happen is that these men are going to eventually breakdown and some may even act violently, which is what no one wants. As you can see, we are addressing the wrong issue here. While it may seem like the problem is a “lack of game”, in reality these guys have a weak foundation to where there is no ROI in learning game yet. Most of these guys will break down at a rejection and may be even worse off cold approaching random women.

Two weeks of seminars and a week of approaching is not going to undo years, even decades, of repression. I know this is not what anyone wants to hear but it is the truth. You are wasting your time and money by trying to fix years, if not decades, of damage with a two week program. This is why most motivational speakers, all really, come off as scammers to other people. It’s not that these guys and girls are scammers, it is just that they are trying to offer a quick fix. Instead, you have to be patient and put in the work.

More focus should be put on helping these men build a solid foundation first and then they can actually go out and approach women. A lot of these men need to learn how to actually socialize with normal people and not come off as awkward. Most of these men need to learn to get their shit together first before they can build a good dating life. I will talk more about the value of a good foundation and what it actually means on a future post.

My point being, a lot of time needs to be invested elsewhere before these men can even see any benefit in dating advice and pickup.

Therapy, socializing a lot with other people, build your confidence through other ways (career or a skill), and getting into masculine hobbies (MMA) are great ways to start your development. Build a solid foundation you can be proud of and get to a point where you feel like you have everything in life to be happy of except for dating and attracting women. Once you get to that point, start actively working on improving your dating life.

One thing you can do in the meantime as you develop your confidence and yourself is get professional photos taken by a Lifestyle Photographer. Put those photos up on dating apps and then start going on dates that way to slowly improve your dating life. For guys that are in shape and have been hitting the gym, this should give you some serious ROI. For guys who cannot find the time to take care of their bodies, well you know what you need to work on.

Fix your foundation before working on game!