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I might have Cancer…or I might be a hypochondriac

Ever since the start of November, my health been somewhat vulnerable. The very first week (more like the weekend before Halloween), I got sick after not having been sick for years. Thankfully, I was able to recover by the time I went to NYC and outside of some discomforts here and there, I felt largely okay. However, throughout November, my health has been all over the place.

One day I feel like I might have Appendicitis due to the pain in the lower right part of my body only for it to go away the next day. I have experienced a good bit of nausea this month as well. I felt the muscles in my jaw having minor stroke-like symptoms. I have also felt some pain that comes and goes in the left side of my upper back. At this point, I would not be surprised if I got diagnosed with Cancer.

“Bro, go to the doctor!”

So this is a good time for me to tell all of you that due to some heavy job-related stress that made it impossible for me to find any sanity in life, I had to step down from my job. Luckily, I saved up a good chunk of money but my job which I had been at for quite a few years became abusive. It really opened my eyes up to the kinds of people you find the working world and forced me to learn how to set hard boundaries. However, there had been so much wear and tear on me mentally and emotionally from the situation that I had to run away.

I was so beaten that I would struggle when interviewing for new jobs because of how beaten I was. I had to take the time off just to live my life because I had gone through the grinder in so many ways at my old workplace. However, there is something they don’t tell you about life in the US, for all of my foreign readers.

You see, when you lose your job or even just quit, you don’t get to keep your health insurance. The difference between going to the hospital without insurance and with insurance is in the thousands, potentially more. Even though I do have a new job, I just started in November and my insurance for it does not kick in until the New Years (which is odd). So until now till the end of the year, I am just holding my breath to make sure I don’t have a medical emergency.

But it has given me perspective.

I have read that Cancer is on the rise with people in their 20s and 30s as well as reading about how people who were fine one week had serious symptoms the next, got to the doctor, and were diagnosed with terminal illness. In some ways, I am a bit of a hypochondriac so as you can see, not exactly something a guy like me wants to read. I mean to think that I might have a disease or some form of Cancer that hasn’t been detected because I haven’t gotten an MRI or a CT Scan. It was a scary experience for a while…..

Then, I thought about how life would be different if I got told I had only 5 years left to live. Just how many more risks a guy would take and how much less of a fuck he would give. How your goals force you to become razor focused and not care about anything but accomplishing them because you only have a certain amount of time left to live. You would start to prioritize what really matters in life, what goals don’t really much of anything.

I think this the reason so many men waste time, mentally masturbate, come up with every excuse, flood themselves with limiting beliefs, and engage in pointless discussion on theory. We feel like we have all the time in the world to do what we need to do. We believe that we will get better with age as if it is a guarantee when in reality, any curve ball can hit you. Anything can happen in life and you can lose that active youth of drinking like a college kid in a heartbeat, especially when you read about Liver cancer.

Maybe this is just the Hypochondriac in me acting up but there is always a possibility that I might get some bad news. However, I thought about how what that would do is speed up everything I wanted to do already. Fingers crossed, pray for me when I do see a doctor fellow readers.

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