The Story of Millennial Bachelor: Hard Lessons Learned (Part 4)

I accepted my dad’s plan to go to a local university but looking back at it, I was a kid drifting off into space in his head who could not think for himself. I had the vision and dream but I had no plan on how I was going to get there. I had no logistics and how on getting to where I needed to. While I did not realize it at the time, I let my guard down against someone I still trusted and relied on.

What ends up happening is that I was set to go to a commuter campus near my house, less than a ten minute drive away. However, when it came time to actually apply for classes at the campus, I realized that my father had forced my hand and put me in a major that I had zero interest in. I tried to push back and make my case, the smile that had greeted me during my senior year of trying to sell me on the future turned into the same old overbearing abusive anger I endured in middle school. However, I was naive and still foolishly believed that there is no way I have an abusive or awful father.

So, I go along with the major in question. Basically, it was a major where you need grad school to do anything with it. I came into college with excitement because for once in my life, it seemed like I was around normal people in my eyes. I was overly social in fact and still remember being filled with excitement. However, I realized that my grades in my major were suffering because the content was not appealing to me. I tried to reason with my father about it but it seems like he switched to a Happy Go Lucky smile on his face trying to calm me down and tell me everything will be alright. He had the hook up and the connections to get me a six figure job out of college and, well, I believed him.

That’s what you are supposed to do right? Believe your father. I mean after all, why would family ever hurt each other? Why would a father ever scam his son? The concept, it seemed so foreign to me at the time. I just went along with it and thought that I had stability, safety, and love from my family.

Enough of that though, moving on…..

The social me in a commuter campus would meet quite a few friends but the truth is, I was not happy. It would be around this time that I started spending a lot of time on internet forums whining like a Foreveralone loser. Deep down inside, I knew what my fix was but maybe I was too scared to act on it. I guess I was too comfortable yet scared to take the leap and just rotted away. All I could think about was the fun that the kids at the state flagship were having and the fun I was not having. It hit me when I was in a car with my family shopping for groceries, college freshmen should not be living like this.

During this time of my life, I would come across PUA and the Manosphere. I spent a lot of time on the forums arguing with people, complaining about my life problems, making enemies, and just being a miserable fuck. I knew it was not right but complaining on the internet with some hope of a better life took me away from what was a miserable time for me. I would also fall in love for the first time ever in my freshman year of college.

Yeah, the quality was so low before then in my life that it took my freshman year of college for me to fall in love with an actual woman that I knew in real life. I will make a long story short, it didn’t work out. I creeped her out and it didn’t pan out. Then a semester later I would hit it off well with a Hooters girl in one of my classes but I let a self-righteous classmate convince me that she was a slut. Old Millennial Bachelor, relying too much on his fellow man and their word. Naive as hell and thinking that the world was this nice friendly place.

At one point in my college days, I would do a class which allowed us a 2 week trip to NYC. We had the chance to volunteer at the UN headquarters with a bunch of college kids worldwide. I would hit it off well with these two French girls but was not able to make anything happen. I also remember having this sexually frustrated bumpkin as my roommate, he completely ruined the vibe and made things miserable for me. I was barely a shell of a man but NYC gave me a vision at the time of what is possible.

So there they were, the most miserable years of my life so far. We would come back to Augusta, back to the miserable grind I called life. After my first year, due to bad grades in my major, I lost a scholarship that was covering for my tuition. My father seemed rather happy about it which I did not understand at all. I was miserable, beaten, and a hollow soul walking around like a Zombie. I wasn’t me, it was not meant to be like this at all. How did it end up like this? It came to a point where I was on the verge of considering suicide, if I could only turn my car onto an incoming truck at high speed. I guess what stopped me from doing it is what if I was unsuccessful?

I had enough and after much effort and much perseverance, got it in me to apply for transfer. During my sophomore year, I transferred to my state flagship behind my father’s back. My mom, bless her, was able to hold it together and stop my abusive father from controlling me further. I also managed to get an old high school teacher to get involved in the family affair but my father would try to find me alone and threaten me. My own father, I was in denial, this cannot be. My own father, abusive? No way. However, I transferred to my state flagship but I lived in fear.

A few guys on some of the forums I used to post on were able to identify the real me and I lived in fear of my father. I didn’t even go out into the college town, mainly because I was under 21 and did not want to risk getting a fake ID and getting caught. However, things got slightly better for me and I did make some friends at this better school. During this time though, I would also find The Red Pill and as bad of a reputation as it gets and as much as I have criticized it, it’s impact would soon be felt. I would also spend time on a reddit called RaisedByNarcissists and it hit me, it finally did.

At this point, I was too far along in college to change my neighbor and it was not until the second semester of my junior year that I started going out. I feel like I could have done so much more with my college years but stayed inside depressed and miserable. All of the blame I placed on southern culture or the state of Georgia, it was wrong. The reality is that it was not meant to be because I had a lot of demons I did not address.

During my later years of college, I accepted a hard truth that I never wanted to accept, my own father was a fucking monster and needed to be stopped. Everything that had happened to this point, the broken dreams of leaving Georgia, all of it because I was too weak to stand up against a predator that wanted to take advantage of the helpless. It took a lot for me to see the truth about my own family but after a while I had to. However, as bad as things seemed, I loved that I got into game in college.

Once again, in my tough times, I took a risk during my senior year. I would join a youth church group and get linked up with about 8 or so guys. We met every week for Bible study but it was a chance for us to really talk about our lives. At first, I was scared a bit but then, I broke out of my shell. The guys in this group would become some of my closest friends in life and a couple of them, even my brothers.

I try not to consider myself a religious man, partially because The Bible shuns sex before marriage and I am chasing a high lay count. However, I can say that there are a lot of good Christians out there. I do think that a lot of men can learn great life lessons from the Bible. As much as I have tried to shy away from being a religious man, I have to admit that God has come through in a big way for me many times in life. However, I do have some things to check off my Bucket List that your average Preacher wouldn’t be proud of.

One good friend I met from the group was a friend that would influence me in a massive way, a guy called Jake. Jake was also your typical All American white kid with Tom Brady looks. However, Jake fell on tough times due to his parents divorcing when he was young and had to find answers elsewhere. From Jake, I learned how overrated Greek Life really was but more than that, I learned about drive. Jake wanted to be super wealthy and was going to hustle hard to get there.

Unlike other immigrant kids of ethnic dudes, I do not hold ill will towards white guys or “Chads”. I guess due to my upbringing, I saw them was human beings just like anyone else. A lot of ethnic and immigrant guys have this inferiority complex towards white guys that fluctuates between hatred and worship. For me, I had a tough time seeing myself as inferior to them which is why I feel like I cannot relate to the Asian Masc reddits and such. Plus, as much as it pains me to say it, Chad type of white guys were there to lift me up and help me be the best version of myself.

My other good friend that I met was this cool kid, almost a California vibe to him, named Nate. Nate played on a high school football team that won the state championship and wrestled as well, in high school. I found him to be one of the most jolly and kind people I had met in college. We hung out a lot and he was one funny and chill dude. I’d also start to get more bold during my time.

For the first time in my life, I had strength. I felt like I had a community behind me. I felt like I was not alone anymore. I felt like I could finally take on the challenges of life.

I started to chat up girls in classes and connected with women that were quite beautiful. Looking back at it, I was my own worst enemy and had my own demons but I knew that I had potential. If I fixed some things, my ceiling was high. Funnily enough, someone took a sneaky pic of me and put it on the school’s Tumblr blog dedicated to hot guys on campus. The confidence boost allowed me to date a hot girl but I could have done so much more.

At one point, I had a validating experience. I was at a Starbucks and there was this sexy model blonde that walked in. A lot of dudes had their eyes on her and I noticed she kept giving me IOIs. Being the pussy I was back then, I was too scared to approach. However, I looked at her, made eye contact, and she smiled at me. I smiled back as she stood next to me…and I failed to open her. I beat myself up over that but man it was validating.

In some ways though, I felt inferior. I did not have a super large group of friends and was not the popular kid on campus. I remember going to some parties and just being ignored. During my birthday, I was having lunch alone and told an acquaintance that it was my birthday. Me and the guy had hung out a few times but he simply said “yeah, they stop mattering after 21”. I’d notice some cliques of kids were rude to me and treated me like shit. One Indian kid in particular was very dismissive and disrespectful towards me.

One event that haunts me a bit is when I got invited to this party with acquaintances. The party was for a launch of a product on Shark Tank. The whole thing, I could not even get a conversation going because of how dismissive my acquaintances became. Some of these were “Good Christians” that said alcohol was the devil but here they were drinking and trying to get laid. I was treated with so much disrespect from the Indian kid and that clique that it is something I would never forget.

My college years were rough and the fact that they say it is all downhill from there made me want to delay graduation. However, the time away from home allowed me to see the situation for what it was. I learned how my culture produces toxic and controlling families. I learned how my toxic culture produces loser men that abuse their children and are overly controlling towards them. Most of all, I finally identified the number one enemy I needed to handle and had the gameplan to do it. I didn’t look for jobs because deep down inside, I was holding out hope that my old man had some integrity in him and would get me the job he promised.

In my final three semesters of college, I finally went out and started drinking. I had one embarrassing night where I creeped out these three women and one of them yelled at me to the point the whole venue was looking. Outside of that though, most nights were rather stale and some rather fun. I never tried to pull once even though I was practicing my cold approach. Just going out and having a sip felt freeing to me. Slowly but surely, my college days started to wind down and graduation came.

For some, graduation was worth celebrating and it was fun. I looked back on my college days with regret. It was not the school’s fault or the culture’s fault, I had just come in with too much baggage and became my own worst enemy. I knew what I needed to do but was angry at myself for not putting myself out there more. I was angry at myself for not trying as much and for not taking more risks. I could have made way more with my college days but thankfully, I walked away enlightened. I knew who the biggest enemy in my life was and I knew I had to handle him.

However, college taught me some rough lessons. I learned how fake friendships are actually like and I learned how fake a lot of suburban kids, regardless of their race, can be. I realized how much status matters and how the world can treat you without it. Most of all, there was a fire in me to compensate.

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