We have all known or seen someone who on the outside looking in, seems to have it all. The job with a nice title, a job at a popular company, a good salary, a year where they made a ton of money, a career that seems to deal with recession better than others, the pretty girlfriend, rotations of hot girls, cool guy friends, and you name it. Whether in our working or personal lives, we always wonder what that guy getting paid more and laid more is doing right.
Society will tell you its version of the truth.
Since society is telling it to you, if you are a reader of this blog, then by now you automatically know that it is false. Whatever society tells you is usually BS but I might as well tell you the BS and put it out in front of you. Society will tell you that the guy is born with “the right genetics” or some other out-of-this-world trait that he had at birth. Society will tell you that he is gifted or special (in a good way) and that is why good things in life come to him.
On the opposite end, even Incels and the Black Pill will justify the success of the guy through some weird theory. His eyes are just the right distance apart, his lips are just the right millimeters apart from his nose, or whatever nonsense they brew up. You have seen it happen over and over again and deep down inside, you knew that it was not exactly true but you were too scared to question it.
Some of us who are saner put it down to the guy being born into the right family with a rich powerful dad and all. We think that if we had wealthy parents and came from Old Money, we would be in that spot.
Why does society do this?
Because it is easy and convenient while also protecting their ego. Your typical fat person does not want to take ownership of being fat. They don’t want to think that they eat too much garbage food and workout less. No, it is far easier to just blame “genetics”.
It is far easier to say that someone won at life or at dating because of genetics and factors even out of their control rather than take ownership and realize you could have likely done the same in most cases. So what is it about guys that win at life and in so many aspects of it? What do they do differently compared to your average guy that blames genetics?
Winners unapologetically put themselves into ideal situations at all costs.
Let’s take two guys, Bob and Rob.
Bob is looking for a job out of college; for him, a job is better than no job. A recruiter reaches out to Bob so Bob responds. The recruiter is willing to sell Bob the dream of this workplace that so many kids fresh out of college go to. Bob interviews with the hiring manager who is largely dismissive of him and wants Bob to prove himself.
Being the young, brave, and humble man that Bob is, he makes his case. The manager gives Bob a shot because the company has had a good bit of turnover for the position that Bob is interviewing for. No worries for Bob though, he is all about grit, hustle, motivation, and hard work. Bob will show him, he will work his butt off and it will be a Hollywood film of brave Bob proving the manager wrong!
Bob survives a few months and realizes that he is working hard but the manager is just not a fan. The teammates and colleagues that Bob has had mostly quit. Bob’s manager shouts at him, abuses him, and yells at him. Even brave Bob is at a point of thinking maybe this is a situation he cannot win but he keeps trying.
Then Bob eats junk food, sleeps poorly due to job stress, starts to develop depression, and is burning out. One morning, Bob is a few minutes late due to having slept so poorly so his manager scolds him. Bob is on the verge of crying and then he has no choice but to quit, having put on a lot of weight due to the stress and his health having taken a health as he burned a year of his working life.
Now for Rob.
Rob is looking for a job coming out of college but he knows not to be too desperate. The recruiter reaches out and tells Rob about this one place where so many younger people go to work. Rob is skeptical but takes the interview with the hiring manager. In that interview, Rob learns that there is a reason that the turnover is so high and he rather not find out. Rob ends the interview in minutes and thanks the hiring manager for his time.
The hiring manager attempts to chase down Rob but Rob respectfully declines, leading the desperate hiring manager to beg Rob to come. Rob says no. A month passes and Rob has been through a number of interviews and a couple of companies catch his eye. Rob notices that for one company, everyone in his role has been promoted within a year based on the LinkedIn research he has done. On top of this, the industry the company is in is a booming industry with a lot of market demand even in a down economy.
The whole time, Rob was doing research on what companies have the most demand, the best environment, and which ones are the best fit. Rob interviewed them as much as the companies interviewed him. In fact, Rob said a lot more nos than yeses to most of the companies he was interviewing for. When he narrowed it down, he found his workplace where the hiring manager loved him from the get go.
Eight months in, Rob gets told he is getting promoted. A year later, Rob’s salary goes up by a decent amount for someone his age. One year after that, Rob earns another promotion. A year after that, Rob gets asked to be in a leadership position as a manager which is impressive for someone in his mid-twenties. Looking back at it, Rob knew he made the right choice years later and cannot be happier.
Was Rob Lucky? Did he have the “right genetics”?
No, Rob did what winners do, force himself into the right situations. Winners will take a lot of small losses such as being unemployed for an extra month just to get themselves into the best situations. Winners will live in a smaller apartment just to be in a quality city where they can network with other winners rather than Podunk or the small city suburbs where they are surrounded by average people. Winners know what they want and are willing to do the leg work to set themselves up with the best situation to get it. Read it again.
No, winners are not the people that know what they want and go get it, that is nonsense society tells you. Winners know what they want, anticipate challenges that can come up, account for them all they can, and then go get it. Losers “know what they want and go get it” because they love running their heads against the wall. Losers are guys like Bob that blindly accept any job that comes their way so they can “prove themselves” and “prove all the haters and doubters wrong”.
Then years later, the losers will look back and say that the winners got “lucky”. In reality, the winners actually did the tougher job. The winners were doing all of the research, digging up all the information they could, and then having the willpower to say no to a tempting opportunity that may have seemed appealing to the losers. Winners actually did the tough part of gathering the information, not taking things at face value, and then coming to the best conclusion based on their senses and data.
You even see this with socializing.
Winners identify guys who they are not going to get along with and cut things off fast. Winners do not waste time arguing with men who have something against them. Instead, the winners spend all of their time on the small chunk of people they do get along with and grow that relationship!
“But some people are just born with more than others”
That is a fair point but neither me and Pablo come from Old Money families that came over on the Mayflower. In fact, both of us had our struggles with overbearing parents growing up. We could have thrown in the towel and said that some rich Old Money kid had it easier so why try? However, we both learned from our mistakes and we applied our lessons to adulthood.
Life is unfair, get used to it. After the age of 18, you have more ownership over your life. From that point on, society will give you no excuses even if you got dealt a really shitty hand. Believe me, I know, no one lended me an ear when I talked about how poorly my abusive father messed up my life and they won’t lend you one either!
In no place is this more true than dating and attracting women.
The reality is that while looks, game, and money do matter when it comes to getting hot girls, you also have to be in a market where you are a good fit. For example, you can be a handsome, wealthy, and cool Pakistani guy but if you are stuck in small city Alabama, you are not going to date hot girls. You can be a cool, handsome, and wealthy Asian guy but if you are chasing white girls in San Francisco, you are not going to have a lot of luck.
So how should you approach this as a guy?
You should be the one doing the leg work on this. The information is tough to find and often controversial as most dating “gurus” and guys out there will tell you “just have game bruh!”. What this means is if you do find the right information and do your leg work, you will find a market where you are a good fit and date attractive women regularly as well as having some on the side.
Being in the right market is the difference between being a virgin who barely gets laid and only pulls uglier women versus dating model-level women. You have to put in the work.
The cruel thing is if you are struggling, no one will tell you that you are in the wrong market. They will just say you “need to be more calibrated” or whatever bullshit. I, on the other hand, have told you the truth.