I have largely finished my series on social life but let’s say you did not have the time to go through each and every post. No worries at all because I am going to share the one takeaway you need to have in order to start a major change in your social life.
Be polarizing and be damn proud of it.
I used to be the guy that wanted everyone to be happy but then I realized that the more I held my honest opinions and the more of myself I was, the more people I pissed off. A few people gaslighted me and hated me to the point of wanting to ruin my life. In the years that followed, I stopped being myself because I was too scared to piss people off. I had a lot less people trying to ruin me but I felt like a wallflower that was just there.
Then it hit me.
The friends that remained my corner years after the fact? These were friends that knew the polarizing me. These were the friends that put in a good word for me to get a referral for a great job opportunity or get into the best parties. In hindsight, they seemed like the minority but then I had to ask myself a tough question.
Would I rather have 2 people really like me and be close friends or have a bunch of lukewarm acquaintances that aren’t even close to being friends?
That’s what being polarizing does.
Most people will still be indifferent towards you or just see you as that guy with strong opinions or whatever views. Some people will really hate you for being yourself. However, the people who do like you? They will move mountains for you.
The people who love you will be the ones who call you to hang out with their peer group even if you just met a Happy Hour ago. The people who love you will be the ones to refer you to that job opportunity of your lifetime. The people who love you will be the ones in your corner when you fall and have a bad experience. That is what polarizing and really just being yourself does, it turns the few lukewarm acquaintances into actual friends that want to hang out.
Stop trying to get everyone to like you, in fact, make it a point to have enemies.
As Eminem once said, I don’t give a fuck God sent me to piss the world off.
Chances are that if you have been struggling with social life and don’t have a normal one that your typical guy has, you are probably different. Maybe you had a rough upbringing or moved around a lot. All of that is okay but own it instead of trying to fit in. Have some opinions that go against the grain and you will be surprised to find how many people actually respect you for them.
The few who loved you for speaking up are going to be the ones who actually invite you out for drinks with their extended friend circles and help you further grow your social life.
The biggest mistake everyone makes is trying to get everyone else to like them. Own up to being different and expect that some people will fucking hate you. In fact, push to make some people hate you and realize you are doing something wrong if everyone is agreeing with you in a lukewarm way.
There is one exception to this rule.
Do know your audience. Don’t go to a feminist rally wearing your MAGA hat, that is not called being polarizing for the sake of this post, that is called being stupid. If it involves religion, American politics, or anything gender-related (women’s rights), exercise some common sense.
I somehow stumbled on your blog and am now absorbing as much of your content as possible. It’s great stuff. From another fellow Millennial Bachelor!
Thank you