I get hit up by a number of guys who are struggling to meet women and do well with dating. After being a part of a pickup group for over a year, I have started to see why some guys struggle with game as much as they do. Is it looks? Is it money? Is it a lack of status? Is it a lack of “game”? While all can play a role, the reality is that it is a lack of a Strong Foundation. There are just too many guys out there doing game without having a Strong Foundation in life.
What is a “Strong Foundation”?
A Strong Foundation is what I define as the building blocks to set you up on a path to have dating success. Each aspect of a Strong Foundation on its own cannot get you dating success but together, they help you create long-lasting dating success that can be sustained for years to come. No other program or dating coach out there would teach something like this. Instead, you get a bunch of canned openers and gimmicky lines to throw at women and then wonder why you are not having any success. Most importantly, you build a Strong Foundation so you have a better life, not just for women.
Here are what I call the Five Pillars of a Strong Foundation:
- Looks + Health
- Money
- Mindset + “Game”
- Logistics
- Lifestyle
You might notice something between all of these pillars, they tie into each other. If you look better, you are more likely to get hired. If you have money, then you can buy good logistics and spend it towards a fun lifestyle. More of all, it is easier to be happy and fulfilled when you have your finances and health in order. The reality is that in order to truly have dating success in today’s world, you have to be able to hit on all five cylinders.
An unfortunate truth for most of you.
The reality is that you will need to invest at least two years of work in order to see significant changes and to build that strong foundation. Some can do it in less but the best is between a year or two. “Dating Coaches” out there will tell you that they can fix your dating life for you with the new magic line or the new magic bootcamp they have, this is all BS. Your competition who is getting the girls you want is hitting it out of the ballpark on almost all five cylinders. This is just the reality of the game today that no one really wants to tell you.
While you were busy playing videogames and munching on potato chips, you competition was in the gym or playing sports in their school days. While you were busy making up theories on internet forums, your competition was actually out there talking to and interacting with girls. The reality is that a number of you who have not built up a strong foundation by the age of 25 are just behind.
There is a lot of nonsense out there saying that 25 is still young but I disagree. By then, you should have gone through college or the military. By then, you should be on the track of knowing what career you want to get into long-term or what kind of business you want to start. That is what people leave out about guys peaking in their thirties, they so because they put in a ton of work in their twenties in order to get there. If this is not you, then you need to catch up fast.
Think of it like sports.
I very recently started to do MMA which is huge in Miami, in fact, Miami is practically the mecca of MMA in North America as the best fighters come to train here. One coach we had has trained UFC fighters that have gone on to win the belt. At the end of one session, he tells a story about how the game has changed in the UFC in just a couple of decades.
When the UFC first came out in the 90s, you really needed to know just one martial art to win. You could know BJJ and that was enough to get you a belt. Now, you have to be well-versed in all major fighting styles like wrestling, BJJ, and boxing in order to even have a chance at the belt. The best fighters in the UFC these days do all the fighting styles well because that is where the competition is now.
You even look at sports like football where the best teams can no longer just rely on a really good defense or a really good offense in order to win a championship. The best teams need a good defense, a good offense, and great players in order to be championship-level and win the Super Bowl. As one of my friends who recruits for football at a high school level tells me, you just can’t win in the big leagues without a great Quarterback anymore. You need a great QB, a great defense, and a great offense in order to even have a shot.
Think of yourself as a new coach and your life the team that needs to be rebuilt.
All you have known so far in your life when it comes to women is losing. Now, think of the new mindset you have as a new head coach coming into a team called your life and turning the culture around. No matter how good the head coach is, very rarely do they take a losing team and turn it around in a year. It takes at least a couple of years for even the best coaches to turn around a losing team because of how much needs to be done.
You are going to realize as soon as you start doing the work that quite a lot needs to be fixed. PUA gimmicks and “dating coaches” will have you “sarging” and “taking action” but that is a waste of time. You need to put in the hard work now for the next couple of years before you start to see serious tangible results. I put in the work for over five years given my tough upbringing and had to go through some serious mindset changes in the meantime.
Get ready for the journey and try not to cry. Even if you try not to cry, you will cry. It is going to be a rough road ahead for the most of you and I am here to tell you that the success will not happen overnight.
