When I first started going out, nightclubs were the places to be if you wanted to meet women and take a girl home the same night you met her. After all, when you are new to going out, you want to get that loud music and alcohol in your system so you can appreciate the vibe. For a guy like me who got into the partying scene late, nightclubs were almost like heaven. I remember seeing so many beautiful women at them at first that I thought that I almost found them to be an escape. Overtime, this heaven turned more into a mirage and I realized more guys were in the same situation as me.
Now I will define nightclubs somewhat loosely here, very loosely. In my eyes, any venue that you go to at night where the music is so loud that you cannot hear people would go down in the nightclub category even if it might not be that. So this can even mean a local bar which is packed but the music is super loud so you cannot hear a damn thing. Maybe I am getting old, who knows?
I used to be all-in on that partying hard train given my background.
Now I get it, a lot of you are reading this and maybe you had a lifestyle which restricted you from going out as much as you would have liked. You may have grown up a bit repressed, were a shut-in, and didn’t have the social circle to live that party hard lifestyle. I am not discouraging any of you from pursuing it, in fact, I encourage all men (no matter the age) to get it out of their system. I will personally refuse to leave the party scene that involves alcohol and loud music, it’s just that for what I want, my approach to it has changed.
Who can blame us?
So much music and media out there portrays nightclubs as the place to be if you are young and trying to be one of the cool kids. For anyone new to nightlife, it is all too common to not know what you are getting yourself into here. Most of the times, you will go through a nightclub phase where you will think you are being smart in going there to take a girl home for the night. No one can blame you either, it is pushed on you to go to nightclubs in your youth.
Nightclubs are presented as the place full of women just begging to be approached as they were skimpy outfits revealing as much as possible. Most are places where the environment is created to approach and get a sexual vibe going to it with the loud music and partying. I mean after all, where else would you go? A nightclub is supposed to be tailor made for sex and getting laid with all that goes into the vibe there. The whole nightclub culture is advertised by media, movies, and music as just that.
Here is what it actually is.
Cliques, cliques, and more cliques.
The one guy who is likely coming out with a group of girls he knows by luck or by his situation. The promoter who is paid to be there with a lot of girls and put on that show. A large group of girls there for selfies and to be seen as soon overall. A big group of friends who are ready to party their ass off after a long week. Your local adults trapped in high school popularity contest mode for their whole lives. Tourists coming out in big groups to explore life in a new city but not get too invested in it.
Hyper-aggressive men ready to fight anyone.
Of all the nightlife venues, where are you most likely to have brawls? Nightclubs by far. The reason is because nightclubs invite your local meatheads and try hards that want to flex their muscle but have very little game that involves talking to women. For these men, they are usually on steroids and pissed off at the world so even the slightest sight of success they see at a club pisses them off. One wrong bump or something being misunderstood and the next thing you know, there is a brawl going on.
Music so loud that you have to shout at people.
My personal favorite, the music being so deafening loud that you have to shout at people in order to be heard. You cannot actually talk to anyone and just have to rely on alcohol and random dance moves for a girl to like you. For some guys, this is perfect, but not for me. I want to be able to hear people and care about my hearing into older age. Forget it at a nightclub, you will have to lean in a lot to talk to people.
An environment where you just cannot function as well without alcohol.
Loud music, packed place, and lots of commotion going on throughout. Any sober guy in this kind of a place will not feel the energy and feel like he is drained from just being there. This is why so many people “pre-game” before heading out to a nightclub itself because it is tough to function in one without alcohol in you. The point is to get drunk and have fun at one which is why it is made for you to enjoy as you are drunk.
The alcohol itself is also way overpriced, by a lot actually.
I recently went to a nightclub and got a Vodka Soda and a Heineken, what was the cost? $38. Yeah, that is typical at most nightclubs where they know you need the drink in you so they spike up the prices. After all, supply and demand, they know you are going to pay it. Have fun waking up with a big check the next morning which will undoubtedly well over a hundred bucks, not fun!
A bar that is overcrowded and you have to shove your way in to get drinks at.
Oh yes, the other reason you will pay that massive price for a drink? Well, because you had to practically be a runningback a yard away from the touchdown, lined up to punch it in as you get past the scrum. Now that is the reality of actually getting a drink at a nightclub, it is tough and on a bad night, you might just find yourself pushing and shoving and getting into fist fights that are so common at the club.
Here is why it sucks for meeting women and taking any girl home that night.
Most women come to nightclubs with guys they met elsewhere or their whole clique, most of the times this is the case for any hot girl at the club. Majority of the times, they are coming there with their large group and already know what guy they are going to end up with from that group. Any stranger or cold approacher is met with hostility because people are in their tight-knit cliques. Chances are, some drunk guy has already hit on her enough and she has toyed with him, not having any intentions to get with a stranger that night.
The few women you do meet at nightclubs and happen to get lucky with will surely be lacking in quality. You’ll notice how a lot of them have pounds of make up on and are dressed to the nines, they do this for a reason. The reason women invest so much into being outwardly sexy is because a good number of them might not have that natural beauty, don’t be too surprised with what you wake up to that morning without makeup (believe me, it can be a scary sight). Outside of looks, the women who are going around to meet random guys at nightclubs are often those with baggage themselves, this includes dating a lot of sketchy dudes who you do not want to get into fights with because they have a felony and little to lose.
“But I don’t want to be that loser that stays in on a Saturday night man, don’t be such a party pooper for me!”
– Most of you reading this right now
Have no fear, I have much better alternatives for you that can mean going out, having a fun night, drinking, and meeting amazing women that want to meet men. Now this can vary city by city, I speak more for New York. Opt for some of these kinds of venues instead:
A good rooftop bar
All of my New Yorkers already know this appeal, especially during the summer time. Great parties, more outdoor, and enough space at time to move around and talk to people. Sure, you still get the cliques but you will meet amazing women down to meet a random guy as well. Go for this if your city has a good rooftop bar scene, unfortunately most cities don’t so there are some other alternatives.
Cocktail lounges.
Classier, better quality women, easier to have a conversation, and great alcohol as well. Bartenders are likely to be friendlier and women much more approachable. Depends on the lounge too, some are genuinely terrible so you have to see how it is all laid out. Opt for these if you want to keep your hearing.
A chill dive bar.
Not a grungy one but there are often bars people go to in order to have fun after they have been out at the club or just had enough of that scene for the night. Great place to pickup women who would not have been approachable at the club itself, you can even hear them.
A nightclub or fun bar with a quiet area.
Maybe you hate the nightclub itself but do not want to leave that scene entirely. Opt for nightclubs which have a quiet area and maybe even a rooftop to go with it. In NYC, this is why Le Bain and PhD used to be some of the best spots in the entire city until PUAs found them and started spam approaching every woman there (which is why we cannot have nice things). Find others just like it and go there.
So when should you consider going to a nightclub or that scene?
I have not completely given up on going to nightclubs and will continue to go to them throughout my life. Ideally, you go there with a mixed group of friends and no expectations to meet women. You go there with the intention to party your ass off for a special occasion and have a great time but not with the expectation that you will find the love of your life there. Maybe you are new in a town or visiting, you go there just to check it out but not to actually meet people.
Millennial Bachelor 