Over the years, I have done day game very on and off and my results have been all over the place. Just like a lot of men who did it, I would get a ton of numbers that amounted to nothing. However, in 2022, things have changed for me to where I am getting results with daygame. So far in 2022, I have done over 100 approaches, gotten 20 numbers, 9 dates, and 6 lays (half of them coming this month!). Before 2022, I did not even get a lay out of day game.
Now for the background, I used to study game a lot but most of my approaches were done at bars (when I was drunk). I also did some daygame approaches but it was very sporadic, like hitting on a girl I happened to run into and making small talk with her. So what changed and how did I manage to have the success I have had? Well, here’s what I have done.
Free your mind from negativity, it’s killing your vibe.
I have known one too many guys that do 50+ approaches a month but do not get a thing from them. The same guys burnout and barely make anything happen with daygame, some becoming bitter incels. Women can sense emotions and they can sense your vibe, this is why some guys can do 50+ approaches in either South Beach or Soho but not get shit. All those hours spent browsing reddit and watching black pill videos are mentally taxing and it comes off on your vibe.
If you want to get good at cold approach and daygame, avoid negativity in your life. Shut out the news, get rid of the doom and gloom, and start cultivating a better vibe. Women are not going to take time out of their day to talk to a guy who is depressed and sees the world as a miserable place. In order for women to talk to you, there has been a great transfer of emotion that gets them hooked. You also spend this time cultivating habits such as NoFap and taking care of your own mental well being.
Set aside time specifically for daygame, ideally on weekends.
If you are new, you will never get good at daygame by just hoping you run into the right girl when you go out. You must set aside ideally two days during the week, ideally Saturday or Sunday, to practice daygame. Initially, you will encounter some approach anxiety so you will need a couple of months to conquer that. Avery Hayden says that sometimes, you should just go out with the intent of approaching and get so frustrated from not approaching that day (or many days after) that you just say fuck it and do it.
Now having a wing is somewhat debatable but here is what I would recommend there. If you are new, have a wing in your first couple of months. A wing will do approaches and help you slowly break your approach anxiety. Once you do get your approach anxiety fixed, you are actually better off doing daygame solo unless you have a good wing. Most wings you get, especially those who have been heavily into PUA, are going to push you to keep approaching which will get annoying and force you into approaching bad sets.
Controversial for sure and people will hate it but nothing will increase your results with women more than perhaps improving your looks. Now you don’t have to be a Cristiano Ronaldo clone or a David Gandy but the truth is that the better you look, the better your chances. I attribute my success to the fact that I have lost fifteen pounds this year and you can actually see the muscles on my arms now. Last year, I was a chubby fuck and while that still managed to get me some results in NYC, it was not gonna fly in Miami. Get that nice haircut, get fitted clothes, dress well, and get in shape. I would actually tell all fat guys to get in shape first rather than just approaching.
Find a coach online coach or channel to follow so you can learn the basics.
A few I recommend are Todd V, Austen Summers, Coach Kyle and Playing With Fire. From these coaches, you will learn the basics such as how to approach women in terms of body language. You won’t make dumb mistakes like approaching them from behind which scares them. I recommend just following one and then sticking with the template that they have for daygame. You want to learn the very basics such as how to actually open in terms of coming up to her and context for the conversation.
I live by the saying that all daygame should be done with the intention of being direct. If you go indirect, you sound like a homeless beggar or some scammer. Be direct, be up front, and make your intent clear. Obviously, you do this in a way that doesn’t scare the shit out of her but you always open direct. When I did daygame sporadically, I opened indirect and it never led to anything because I failed to show intent. All newbies, at least, should only go direct. Sure you will get rejected but you don’t waste thirty minutes talking to a girl that is taken and thought you were just being friendly (if you are lucky).
Find your lucky spot or go to thing that is always delivering.
Maybe you have found the one area of the city where for some reason, you seem to always get numbers. Maybe there is this one line that works specifically for you and seems to always get you numbers, stick with it. The equivalent of this is when in the UFC, a fighter always has that one punch or kick that seems to always land for them and help them win fights. Every guy will find that one unique thing in his game that seems to work specifically for him, find yours and stick with it.
When you are a beginner or doing pickup, you emphasize approaching so you lose approach anxiety. At some point, you need to get way past this in order to see true results. Now, you need to get good at learning how to read a situation. Learn when not to approach in order to avoid frustration and to avoid wasted sets. When you start to truly value quality over quantity, you will start to get actual results. You will learn not to approach women that are walking way too fast (and don’t want to be bothered) and to avoid women who are just waiting outside the store for someone. The true skill set in daygame comes not from spam approaching every woman but from learning situations when you should clearly avoid approaching.
Now for a newbie, it gets tricky because you will rationalize approach anxiety at this rate. So this is where the tricky dance comes in as you need to know the difference between a bad set versus you having approach anxiety. When I was making this transition, it is something I struggled with. What I did to help myself out is list out the instances outside of common sense (her walking with her husband or her being there with her parents) where I would never approach. For me these were:
- She was in a rush and walking too fast (or storming, visibility pissed off)
- She had headphones in and was clearly on a call
- We were right in front of security and cops to where it would seem awkward (especially in today’s environment)
- She was sitting down having lunch
If you see an opportunity that doesn’t fit in the “don’t approach” list, you must approach. If you do not approach, that opportunity was a wasted opportunity. What you are doing is becoming a lot more targeted to where you may only do a handful of approaches but a lot of them turn into something.
Hardcore pickup guys will tell you to approach all these sets because “shoot your shot bro”. All of those guys rarely get results and are just trying to sell you Snake Oil. Instead, that is the trick to it all. You are trying to do less approaches but drive a greater efficiency because the women you approached were approachable sets. Pretty soon, you realize how you were better off doing 10 quality approaches that had the potential to go somewhere over 20 shitty ones for the sake of whatever.
Reflect and improve on each day.
Once you have started to approach less, you have a handful of approaches to work with which means that you can better analyze them. Start to pick out your sticking points and where you are having issues. Start to see what improvements need to be made but only apply one for the next time you go out. Perhaps you are struggling after the initial open and don’t know what to talk about, focus on that for your next day out. Then after you feel like that is good enough, focus on your next sticking point. Doing less approaches allows you to go back and focus on each for an improvement. I tend to write down an approach on my phone after I do it.
Learn to value outcomes over validation.
Deep down inside as men, we all want to show off and this becomes all the more evident if you have a wing. You want to show off how bold you are and approach sets that were clearly bad sets to begin with. Kill your ego and become ruthlessly focused on outcomes. Don’t think about the approach, read the situation and then do the approach. Once you start valuing outcomes, you will naturally get just that, outcomes. You will start to do behaviors that reward an outcome rather than momentary validation. If you have a wing who is pushing you to do a ton of sets so you can “warm up” or so he can consider you a real “PUA”, lose that wing.
A guy who values validation will approach fifty women to show off how cool he is. A guy who values outcomes will only approach ten but make the most out of every approach, often reading the situation before hand and then taking his chances. The latter guy will ironically get laid more and not keep running his head into the wall. Better yet, the latter guy will still be daygaming for years because all those rejections aren’t burning him out.
One way to transition from the validation hungry PUA who is trying to show off how much he approaches to the guy who gets results is stop valuing the number of approaches you do. Instead, start putting more focus on how many times you can ask for the number or a close. So instead of saying “I must do fifty approaches today”, start thinking “I must have five approaches where I ask for the number and then I can go home”. You will start to first value closing more rather than just spamming.
Finally, outcomes are not pretty and flashy. Outcomes aren’t that flashy approach where you show off like a clown. Outcomes aren’t the fifty approaches where you sound smooth in every approach. Outcomes are just that, outcomes. You will realize that it is all about following a basic framework (opening right, showing intent, etc.) and meeting a girl who is available.
One thing I have become all too used to in Miami is screening hard. Doing daygame in Miami, especially in the summers, means a ton of tourists who are leaving often on that very day. Sure, if she is super hot then take down an IG in case she is ever back in town but in most cases, screen hard before you close. If she is leaving on that day, it is usually a bad idea to go for a number. If she lives two hours away and is visiting for a weekend, it could be a bad idea to approach. You need to screen to see if the girl has ideal logistics so you are not wasting time. The way this changes your mindset is that you actually cross out time wasters and women that won’t amount to a lay.
Lead and envision the close and what happens after the number.
Have the place ready for your instant date, I recommend coffee. Have the logistics planned out for where you will take the interaction after the date. When I approach in South Beach, I already have locations in mind where I want the date to go. From there, have a plan for what you want to do next. Perhaps a second date after an instant-date when she is free. Schedule it closer to either where you live or either where she might live so logistics do not get in the way.
Plant the seeds.
As you have started the date and sexualized the conversation (lots of content out there on that, Girlschase is excellent for this), focus on planting seeds that will lead to the lay. My personal go to is making it about either her apartment or mines so we can take ourselves to either place. You can get creative here but ideally, you want to find a way to get her to her place without really outright saying it (unless the attraction is really strong and she is really into you). You do this throughout the date where you might tease her about her apartment being fancy. If she says her apartment is awful, you can tease her and say “maybe you just have really high standards, I bet it isn’t that bad at all”.
The post has gotten long enough already, we might need to do a part 2 but for now, open to all feedback.